Italian Proverb:
IL DOLORE EN UN GRAN MAESTRO
(SUFFERING IS A GREAT TEACHER)
Suffering is a great teacher. Think about it. What has taught you more about life: your joys or your sorrows? Pain has a way of causing us to reflect on life. Think of a particular past suffering in your life. What have you learned from it? Perhaps you learned compassion for other people who go through the same ordeal or one similar to it. On the physical level, pain has taught me the pleasures of slowing down. And they are pleasures! I find a slower pace invites me to notice and appreciate simple things of nature like the smell of flowers, scurrying squirrels, and the various expressions on the faces of passersby. I also find that slowing down relaxes me and puts me into a better mood.
My own physical pain has taught me the importance of slowing down while walking with people who experience obesity, arthritis, or some malady that prevents them from keeping up with me. My level of obesity and arthritis has made me feel very alone when others in a group race ahead of my pace. Knowing how uncomfortable that feels, I can now gladly slow my pace for others out of a sense of empathy, not sympathy.
On the emotional level, pain has taught me to be compassionate toward people when others who are significant in their lives, such as bosses or spouses, treat them unjustly or precipitate embarrassment. I have had well-intentioned superiors in my life who gave me much responsibility but little authority to carry out those responsibilities. They appeared to delegate and then did the job themselves. That frustrated me and, in my judgment, made me look bad in front of others. I continue to learn and relearn two attitudes because of these experiences. The first is to be nonjudgmental and compassionate toward those beneath me in the hierarchical model—that is, to treat them with respect, to apologize and make amends when I find myself delegating and withdrawing that delegation. The second is when I just cannot be nonjudgmental, I need to be forgiving toward those I perceived as having mistreated me. After all, upon reflection I find that in my humanity I commit the same offense all too often. The same might be true of you. The attitudes of forgiveness and nonjudgment keep my heart free of resentment and, therefore, happy.
Also, regarding emotional pain, the following story sheds light:
A young Indian boy goes for a walk with his wise grandfather. The grandfather confides in the boy that he has two wolves in his heart. One is always angry, upset, worried, and hostile. The other is loving, playful, and compassionate. He tells the boy that they are always fighting with each other. “Which one usually wins?” asks the boy. The grandfather responds, “The one I feed.”
Besides the emotional pains of anger, distress, and worry, we have to deal with hosts of other negative feelings like hurt, a sense of betrayal or abandonment, jealousy, frustration, grief, resentment, etc. We learn much when we reflect upon these pains and the way we handle them.
Spiritual pain can take the form of a dry prayer life, a struggle with a fault or sin, or a loss of faith. However, it can teach us patience and to take life not a day at a time, but a minute at a time. Again, think about it. What has taught you more about life: your joys or your sorrows? Pain has a way of causing us to reflect on life.
Get in touch with some of your pain on all three levels: body, mind, and spirit. Have you or do you suffer on the physical level: headaches, arthritis, or cancer? Have you or do you suffer mental and emotional pain due to anger, grief, frustration, or betrayal of a friend? Have you or do you suffer spiritual pain such as a dry prayer life; a struggle with a fault, failure, or sin; or a weakening of faith? All forms of pain offer us lessons in life. Some of those lessons focus on the four Cs: compassion, character, control, and contemplation.
Regarding compassion, is it not true that you understand better someone who has gone through an experience you have? If you have experienced cancer, does not your heart reach out toward others even more so than before you had cancer? Do you not find yourself doing thoughtful things for those people or praying for them more? If you have gone through divorce, aren’t you less judgmental toward others who go through divorce?
Regarding character, does not suffering build character or, if not, at least reveal it?
Regarding control, does not suffering convince us that we have little control over much of life? Does it not convince us we have little capacity to prevent suffering or even lessen it at times? Does it not prove we need a Higher Power than ourselves to make life happy or at least meaningful? Think about a time someone has talked about you behind your back. You could not stop that, nor could you control whether or not the other believed what was said about you. The lesson here is in the words of some wise person who said, “We are not in control of our reputation, only our character.”
Regarding contemplation, contemplation is prayer without words. It is different from meditation, which requires the mind to think and often use words. Contemplation is the prayer of just being in the presence of God, like two lovers communicating love without words by merely gazing into each other’s eyes. Sometimes pain is so great, especially near death, that one cannot pray in the ways to which he/she is accustomed. He/she can only be in the presence of the Lord, and the suffering itself then becomes the prayer, the prayer without words, the prayer of the cross.
I want to end these thoughts with the words of Dr. Tom Dooley:
The Acceptance of Pain: Modern man has lost the old concept of pain as sacramental mystery, a participation in the Passion, a means whereby the member can become more like the thorn-crowned Head. In the Christian’s scheme of things, pain was not merely to be anesthetized, but canonized. It was not only a cause of misery, but a chance for merit. Saints prayed for pain and received it with resignation and rejoicing.
Reflection Question :
What recent suffering has taught you a lesson?
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From the book, Sharing Meals Heals: An Italian ‘Menu’ For Inner Peace by